Forehead Tittaes w/ Marion Cotillard from Marion Cotillard, William Fichtner, Jake, Taraji P Henson, Lesley Ann Warren, Seth , christiansprenger, and Kat Bardot
2010/09/13
2010/08/26
Dealing With and Understanding Liars
I was searching about lying and liars for like a whole month!! I've almost figured out how the lair thinks from this very informative article ... and I'm going to find out about the reasons which makes people so weak and have low self-esteem or if i may say.. No self-esteem that makes them lie about who they are...what they want....and what they believe in!!I promise once I find somethin' new 'bout it I'll post it here.
Enjoy the knowledge
We all encounter people in our lives who lie to us. Whether their intentions are to protect themselves, protect you, prevent you from knowing something, or even to cause you harm, the end result is always the same. These people may cleverly disguise these lies or even just try to retain specific information, but rarely does the outcome differ. It doesn’t matter what the purpose behind the lie is, or whether the intentions of the liar were to help you or hinder you; dealing with a liar is something we never want to do.
When was the last time you got excited because somebody lied to you? What about the last time you said “I know you lied because you were afraid I’d be upset if I learned the truth, so thanks for having my back there.”? The problem with liars is that even if they have the best intentions in the world, what they’re doing is still destroying the bridge of trust between the two of you. Their “act of kindness” is anything but kindness, and the long term problems it presents can be just as detrimental as the short term ones.
In understanding liars, we need to understand what it is that motivates them. Why do they do the things they do? The first guideline to understanding that is this:
Don’t ever think a liar is carrying your best interests.
When a liar lies, even if they actually believe what they’re doing is protecting you, the reality of things is that they’re only hurting you more and more. Telling a lie is an extremely selfish act. The liar doesn’t want to face the consequences and repercussions of their actions, so they’re banking on a lie to carry them past those. It’s a gamble. If the lie is successful, then they got away with their action as well as avoiding any negative repercussions. If the lie fails to hold up, not only are they going to face the consequences to their actions, but they’re also going to face additional repercussions for the lie too. Consciously, the liar may not think of all these factors before deciding to go through with the lie or not, but subconsciously these factors are all being processed in their mind. Factors such as the liars past lying experiences, how well they think you can perceive the truth from a lie, and what additional negative consequences will become of them if they’re caught with the lie.
It’s sort of like when you tried to hide your report card from your parents as you were growing up. If you had great marks then hey, no reason to hide that report card at all; but if those grades were less than satisfactory, you were presented with an interesting array of choices.
You could either show your parents the grades, accepting the negative punishment as it came, or you could try and lie about it. Maybe you could try and alter the grades or tell your parents your report card got lost, but either way, if you weren’t straightforward and truthful with what happened, you were gambling with your consequences. If your parents never found out about your bad grades, and you never got punished for it, then your lie was successful. You were saved from the negative consequences. If you got caught however, then you knew your punishment was about to get a whole lot nastier, and you’d probably regret doing such a stupid thing in the first place.
Reacting To Liars
That’s how most liars I’ve dealt with have operated. Everything is fine and cool as long as their lie is working according to plan, but the second you catch on or find out something isn’t right, they break down and act as if deeply regret what they did. In truth, they may actually regret what they did, and they may even feel embarrassed about their actions. If I was caught in a particularly nasty lie, I know I’d certainly feel like a fool, ashamed of my actions and of what it had done to another. Yet even if they do feel embarrassed or ashamed, chances are that’s out of their own benefit, not yours.
As easy as it is to let our emotions take hold of us, whether it’s anger, sadness, confusion, or anything in between, remember that the liar consciously chose to lie to you. I’m not advocating you needlessly blow up on someone, but just as a liar can manipulate you with their lies, so too can they manipulate you with their emotions. All too often I’ve fallen prey to this myself; getting mad at somebody for lying, and then when I see how upset they are, I instantly begin to forgive them and attempt to push the matter behind us. The problem with this though is that it sets the stage for the liar to strike again. They see that the negative outcome of their lie caused them minimal repercussions, and so subconsciously they know that if they do it again, chances are high that even if they get caught they probably won’t face severe consequences.
Now obviously different lies are going to be weighted differently coming from different people. The people we carry in our lives are sort of like investments. The more you put into something, the more it’s going to hurt as it comes crashing down. If a complete stranger told you a lie on the street, would you really even care? Chances are you wouldn’t, you’d dismiss them and go about your business. What about a co-worker you see once in a while, but not somebody who’s really close to you? What if they lied to you? If anything, you’d ask yourself why this person felt the need to lie, but it probably wouldn’t weigh very heavily upon your thoughts; in fact, it may not even weigh upon them at all.
But what if your spouse or significant other lies? That’s certainly going to cause a lot more damage than a lie from a complete stranger or someone you barely associate yourself with. Depending on the content of the lie, that’s something that could easily rock your world, leaving you stuck with a variety of emotions all at once.
Obviously a spouse or significant other is someone who you’ve invested a lot into. You’ve put a lot of time and emotion into this other person, and so when they lie to you, the emotions and consequences you face are going to be much more severe. It’s just like investing in the stock market. The more of yourself you pour into something, the more it hurts falling down.
Understanding Liars
Why do liars lie though? It’s obvious they’re afraid of exposing the truth, but why do they choose such a selfish path?
It’s safe to assume most liars are fairly immature people in one aspect or another, that is, they can’t hold the weight of responsibility very well. The person can be 10 years old or 60 years old, but they still share the common bond of being unable to maintain responsibility. At its core, that’s exactly what a liar is, someone who lacks this particular trait. When someone is described as being “mature” or “responsible,” that means they carry the ability to own up to and face all of their actions. It doesn’t matter whether an action is good or bad, the responsible person will bear the consequences no matter what. Liars lack this ability, and what’s interesting is, despite a good liar often thinking they’ve pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes, often it’s the liar who loses the most. Even if somebody manages to lie to me and get away with it, I laugh to myself when I realize that I don’t have to resort to those measures. That’s not to say I feel sympathy for liars, but having had to deal with responsibility my entire life, I can’t imagine have to resort to such tactics to deal with my problems.
The next biggest question though is inevitably “how do I deal with a liar?” When somebody lies to you, how are you supposed to react to their actions, and what do you do if you’ve caught somebody in the act?
While I was once at a point in my life where I’d easily become enraged when I found out somebody close to me was feeding me lies, now I view liars in a different light. While anger can still easily take hold of me, depending on the situation, I often use it as a means of analyzing the other person. My big thing lately has been, when I catch somebody in a lie, I don’t immediately confront them about it. Depending on how severe it is, I may wait a few days or weeks, or just not even say anything at all. For example, if someone lies to me and says they were at the movies, when in reality they were out at dinner, knowing this, I’ll ask them how the movies were just to see what response they give. It’s sort of like my way of testing their honesty, giving them one last chance to redeem themselves and tell the truth. Sometimes I can tell this makes them a bit flustered, but other times, if I’m dealing with an experienced liar, they may not even bat an eye.
Think Now, Act Later
Why do this instead of calling them out? As tempting as calling out the liar may be, doing this beforehand gives you a way of analyzing the liar and seeing how deeply rooted their lie is. If you’ve brought up the subject they’re lying about, or hinted that you may know something is up, yet the liar refuses to budge, then you know you’re dealing with the real thing. You may notice some liars are so good they can even turn the tables on you. Making you look like the bad guy, or just like an overall nosy individual. Lying is a skill, and like most skills, the more you do it, the better you get with it. An experienced liar will usually have quite the arsenal up their sleeve, so make sure you’re aware ahead of time of any potential cards they may play.
Once you’ve gathered as much information from the liar as you can, you then have to make the choice of whether to call them out or not. The reason I prefer to wait before calling them out is because it gives me some time to think over what’s happened, and to fully understand all sides as best I can. It also lets me realize that this person is not going to back down from their lie, no matter how many times I bring up the subject or how many times I hint at knowing the truth. At the same time, it allows me to better see the true colors of somebody. It lets me know they lack the courage or responsibility to stand behind their decisions, and that they’d rather hide behind a lie than expose what they’ve done.
Even when you do bring up the fact that you’re aware of the lie, the other person may still try and hold onto that lie. They’ve rooted it so deeply, that even exposing it isn’t enough to kill it. You may find yourself under fire of accusations or insults, but don’t let that sway you if you know the real truth.
When it comes to actually catching somebody in a lie, there are a million different things people have recommended you look for. Some people say their eyes move too fast, while others say they move too slow, and others still will say that the liar may avoid eye contact, while others will insist the liar makes more eye contact than usual. It all comes down to knowing the other person and picking up odd behavior they may emit. If the person is normally calm but now seems a bit tense and sweaty, then that’s a sign that something isn’t right. If the person usually looks you in the eye when speaking to you and suddenly their eyes are all over the place, that too is a sign that something is amiss here. I can’t really give any specific advice on that because it will vary for each person, and even worse yet, experienced liars may have learned how to control these signs of nervousness. Even better liars will find a way to innocently turn the topic around onto something more favorable that’ll allow them to ease up a bit.
The best piece of advice I can give in that respect then is showing you something that works on almost anybody. It’s called the 5 Second Trick, and I find it pretty unique to most strategies. The next time you think somebody is lying, right after they’ve finished telling you the lie, don’t say anything for 5 seconds. Just remain silent, and if you’re with somebody in person, just continue looking at them. If somebody is lying, this gap in time usually makes them a bit anxious, and often they’ll continue talking and giving additional details that really weren’t needed. When you look at the person, don’t give them a nasty glare, as that’ll only provoke them to question your actions, but just continue looking at them the way you always do when they speak to you. You’ll be surprised at how effective this can be.
Don't be Gullible
Finally, when it comes to liars, just use your best intuition. I’m hesitant to say “once a liar, always a liar.” but be careful who you let your guard down with. If somebody was selfish enough to lie once and they got away with it, chances are high they’ll try for a second and third time too. Even more so than that, you ultimately control the extent to which a liar can sting you. If you're careful with who you place your trust in and who you invest in, then all the lies in the world won’t hurt you. Of course, if you knew somebody was a liar you wouldn’t have invested in them to begin with, but just exercise your best caution with who you allow to carry that trust. Some people take this too far, and end up holing themselves up with emotional burden because they’re too afraid to reach out to anybody. Don’t be like that either, just be aware of how much power somebody has once they’ve gained a foothold into your trust zone.
And how do you go on treating somebody once you’ve discovered they’re a liar? That all depends on you; but just remember that if somebody was able to stab you in the back once, what makes you think they won’t do it again?
2010/08/14
35 Funny Graphs and Charts..you'll love'em
see the rest hereWho could have ever thought that charts and graphs might have anything to do with fun? At least not until creative Cheezburger guys launched a project called GraphJam few years ago. You'll definitely laugh out loud at these 35 funniest graphs from GraphJam.
2010/08/13
2010/08/11
2010/08/10
2010/08/09
2009/03/30
How to Control Your Home with Your Cell Phone
By Glenn Derene, Popular Mechanics
Home automation is still evolving, and getting it to work requires knowledge of both household electrical wiring and computer networking. But once everything is hooked up correctly, it can change the way you interact with your home. We show you how you can use your smartphone as a remote control for your lights, heat and security in your home.
Home automation is still evolving, and getting it to work requires knowledge of both household electrical wiring and computer networking. But once everything is hooked up correctly, it can change the way you interact with your home. We show you how you can use your smartphone as a remote control for your lights, heat and security in your home.Home automation exists in the curious realm where screwdrivers and drywall meet PCs and routers. The category is still evolving — there are multiple, incompatible standards — and getting this stuff to work requires knowledge of both household electrical wiring and computer networking, but once everything is hooked up correctly, it can change the way you interact with your home.
Last month, I wrote about installing Insteon networked lighting in my home, which allowed me to link up switches and outlets throughout my house regardless of which branch circuit they were on.
The Insteon system works by sending data signals over radio frequency (RF) waves and your home’s power lines. As each device receives a signal, it rebroadcasts it, creating a mesh network that bounces commands instantly from one end of the house to the other. It’s an effective system for connecting lighting switches and loads without extra wiring, but it also forms the basis for a more sophisticated home automation network.
Meshed networks
Home automation is a broad and even somewhat vague concept. And plenty of companies sell systems that do everything from basic lighting control to full integration of home entertainment systems, motorized window blinds, climate control and home security. Many of these “whole home automation” systems from companies such as HAI and Crestron are geared toward the installer market and can cost many thousands of dollars. Other systems, such as SmartLabs’ Insteon and the competing Z-Wave system, tend to be more flexible and aimed at do-it-yourselfers.
Obviously, since I had already outfitted my house with Insteon’s lighting controls, it made sense to build upon that system. The first step was to integrate my networked lighting into my home’s data network. Insteon has a variety of different network interfaces, but I went with the $120 SmartLinc controller. The SmartLinc serves up its own Web page on your home network, allowing you to control your system from a browser window on any computer in the house, or via cell phones with Wi-Fi capability
People Search Engines: They Know Your Dark Secrets …
By JR Raphael, PC World
Social search engines can turn up your Amazon Wish List, photos of your kids, your musical tastes, and much, much more. What else is out there that you don't want everyone to know, and what can you do to protect yourself?
I know things about my lawyer I absolutely should not know. He's 55 years old, listens to the music of the band Creed, and screams like a little girl when riding roller coasters. He also relaxes with New Age spa treatments and is thinking about getting an electronic nose-hair trimmer. And that's just the start.
Now, let me be clear: I've never spent a single moment outside the office with this guy (and for what it's worth, I'd just as soon not be privy to his personal grooming habits). I learned all of these details by tracking his social footprint across the Web -- and he probably has no idea that he has left such a vivid trail behind.
In our age of social sharing, we expect some of our thoughts to be public. But as we slowly put more and more pieces of ourselves online, specialized search engines are making it easier than ever to pull them together into a highly detailed (and potentially invasive) profile of our virtual lives (read "Online Stalking Made Easy").
I'll let you in on a little secret: The picture isn't always pretty. And even if no rap sheet turns up, do you really want the world to know that you look at bad-breath cures online or post awful "Star Trek" fan fiction?
Just be aware of this beautiful tech ;P
Social search engines can turn up your Amazon Wish List, photos of your kids, your musical tastes, and much, much more. What else is out there that you don't want everyone to know, and what can you do to protect yourself?
I know things about my lawyer I absolutely should not know. He's 55 years old, listens to the music of the band Creed, and screams like a little girl when riding roller coasters. He also relaxes with New Age spa treatments and is thinking about getting an electronic nose-hair trimmer. And that's just the start.
Now, let me be clear: I've never spent a single moment outside the office with this guy (and for what it's worth, I'd just as soon not be privy to his personal grooming habits). I learned all of these details by tracking his social footprint across the Web -- and he probably has no idea that he has left such a vivid trail behind.
In our age of social sharing, we expect some of our thoughts to be public. But as we slowly put more and more pieces of ourselves online, specialized search engines are making it easier than ever to pull them together into a highly detailed (and potentially invasive) profile of our virtual lives (read "Online Stalking Made Easy").
I'll let you in on a little secret: The picture isn't always pretty. And even if no rap sheet turns up, do you really want the world to know that you look at bad-breath cures online or post awful "Star Trek" fan fiction?
Just be aware of this beautiful tech ;P
2009/03/24
2009/03/18
Top 10 Useless Body Parts
10. Plica semilunarisYou may not know it, but you have a third eyelid. Pull open the two more noticeable eyelids and take a look -- it's located right in the corner by the tear duct. This small third eyelid is left over from what's known as a "nictitating membrane," which is still present in full form in some animals including chickens, lizards and sharks.
9. Body hair
No doubt we were once hairier. Up until about 3 million years ago, we were covered with body hair. But by the time Homo erectus arrived, the ability to sweat meant we could shed our woolly ways.
8. Sinuses
Doctors don't really know much about sinuses -- only that we have a lot of them. Possibilities for their function range from insulating our eyes to changing the pitch and tone of our voice.
7. Adenoids
Adenoids trap bacteria, but they're also prone to swelling and infection. Just ask any 7-year-old. Luckily, our adenoids shrink with age and are often removed, along with ...
6. Tonsils
Also prone to swelling and infection. If you still have them when you reach your 30s, it's almost an accomplishment.
5. Coccyx
More useful as a game-winning Scrabble word than as part of the anatomy, the coccyx, or tailbone, is made up of several fused vertebrae left over from the olden days when we had tails
4. Arrector pili
When we were hairier (see No. 9), the arrector pili made the hairs stand on end when we needed to appear bigger and scarier. Now, it just gives us goose bumps.
3. Wisdom teeth
Back in the day, when we ate mammoth meat off the bone and didn't floss afterward, our teeth tended to fall out. Therefore, when those reserve molars, aka "wisdom teeth," came in, they were welcomed. Nowadays, fluoride and dental plans have made them just a huge pain.
2. Appendix
Darwin claimed the appendix was useful for digestion during our early plant-eating years; it's dwindled down to little since we started eating more digestible foods.
1. Nipples on men Nipples appear on men because all embryos effectively start out as "female." The Y chromosome and testosterone are what make an embryo male. But nipples form before the testosterone comes into play, so the nipples remain.
2008/11/25
Message from a man
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be
If something bothers you, speak up Never let a man know everything
He will use it against you later
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within .
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less
Never let a man define who you are
Never borrow someone else's man
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies and to men who can handle it..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be
If something bothers you, speak up Never let a man know everything
He will use it against you later
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within .
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less
Never let a man define who you are
Never borrow someone else's man
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies and to men who can handle it..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN
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